A new plan
February 3, 2013 § 8 Comments
It’s been a week since I wrote a post in real life, but I feel like I’ve written several. In a sense, I have. It’s just that most (or all) of them have been in my head. A lot has happened in my little infertile world over the past week. And I’d rather see a lot happen than see nothing happen. Things happening means progress. Usually. Maybe I should not be so optimistic. Maybe it just means movement. But with all the waiting I’ve done, movement is lovely.
First, I started spotting 9 days into my two week wait, which is earlier than I’ve ever started spotting in my not so brief history of charting. That was Monday evening. I was pissed. I was devastated. The world was not fair. Cue catastrophizing Lentil.
See, not only did I want this last cycle to be my lucky cycle more so than any other cycle (although I’ve noticed a trend with that one.. there is an strong positive relationship between how long this takes and how much wanting I do), but I also really thought this might be it. October just felt right. I almost knew it. I even felt guilty for starting a blog about infertility on the same cycle that was was most certainly going to get a beautifully positive pregnancy test and leave the infertility world just after officially entering it.
So much for that silly intuitive sense I was so certain about. So so certain.
I spotted for three days before finally getting my period. I don’t know what the hell that means. If anything. I’m trying not to add it to the list of things to worry about that may or may not be wrong with me.
While I was spotting, I made a decision. A big decision. Round two. A new plan.
Back in September, I had just finished all of my initial testing with my RE. She found nothing wrong (hence the unexplained nature of my oh so special blend of infertility). And she recommended that I start treatment with three cycles using Femara. At the time, I thought that if my very good doctor could find nothing wrong, I probably didn’t need the Femara. Perhaps I was just being impatient.
So, I didn’t take the Femara. And then I immediately got a BFP. And then I lost the pregnancy. Now, three cycles later, I’m back at the same decision. And this time, we were so ready. I threw away the vitex and the red raspberry leaf tea, abandoning the herbal supplements I was hoping hoping hoping would be all I needed, and I called the clinic. That was Wednesday. On Friday, my CD 2, I went in for an ultrasound. Everything looked good to go. And I’m now on day two of the Femara. When I look at those little pills, I feel a whole lot of love.
After a whole lot of back and forth, we decided to also do the HCG trigger shot. At first we were thinking we’d hold off, because I typically have a lot of success with ovulation predictor kits accurately telling me when I’m going to ovulate. But then the nurse at my RE’s office said that the Femara could possibly mess with my usually predictable OPKs. And she also said that the trigger would release all mature follicles, which seems like it would up our chances of having one of them meet one of the Artsy Engineer’s swimmers and stick. I guess what I still don’t know, though, is if you release all mature eggs even if you don’t use the trigger. And I also don’t know how likely it is for me to have multiple mature eggs while using the Femara. Timing alone doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to spend the extra $550 for the trigger+ CD 13 ultrasound. But if it might throw another egg into the mix and increase my odds of getting pregnant, then maybe it’s worth it. Plus, I feel like getting a CD 13 ultrasound during my first Femara cycle makes sense (it’s not mandatory at my clinic), because what’s the use of doing three rounds of the thing (for $500 a round), if it may or may not actually be working as it’s supposed to work? I think the CD 13 ultrasound should give us some insight into whether or not this medication is doing its job. And if we’re going to do the CD 13 ultrasound, why not do the trigger? It’s just another $100. What’s $100 when you’re already spending nearly $1000? Holy shit. $1000. For one cycle. And then I saw some awful statistics the other day saying that there was only a 5% chance of conceiving using Femara/Clomid if you’ve been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Is that true?! If so, how the hell can I justify spending this much money doing this??
Who knows. From that jumbled mess of thoughts I just spit at you all, clearly not me. I feel so new at this. I feel like I just dove into this decision without researching and reading every tiny little thing about it first (my typical modis operandi). It was definitely a reactionary decision. I was still reeling from the failing end of my January cycle that was supposed to be the one. But maybe I needed the reactionary bit to get me going. Otherwise, I would have futzed around, weighing the pros and cons, over and over and over again (also my modis operandi).
And so, here we are. Me and these little orange pills I’ve already fallen in love with, because they’ve given me hope.
Oh, and look forward to upcoming posts on my difficult sister who I love dearly, getting lost in the woods yesterday, and Femara farts (all things that occupied my thoughts/time/ass this weekend).