Not negative but not positive either

February 25, 2013 § 17 Comments

First of all, I am floored by all of your thoughtful comments on my last post. Truthfully, I didn’t realize how many people both read this and care. You all are amazing.

Yesterday was a bad day. And, ya know, this morning didn’t start out so great either. First, the car in front of me getting onto the ramp headed toward the highway plowed over a bunny who was just sitting tharn in the middle of the road. Right in front of my face. And, don’t say he didn’t see it. He saw the bunny. It was in the middle of the freaking road. And it wasn’t moving. And there were no other cars around. This jackass just chose to not slow down to allow it to get out of the way. Admittedly, this kind of thing probably bothers me more than it should. Forgive me. And then, I somehow just forgot to get off at my exit for the hospital this morning. So, not the best entry into Monday.

But, as the day wore on, my mood improved. The Artsy Engineer called me around 10 to tell me that, whatever the results of this morning’s beta, he is 100% on board with moving forward with treatment. He said that he was having a rough day yesterday, too. He was anxious about money and work. And the prospect of another failed cycle. If I’m allowed to feel shitty and hopeless at the very end of the 2ww, he certainly is, too.

Weird thing. So, a couple of days ago I had really swollen boobs. It lasted for two days. I allowed myself to get a little excited, but I figured it was mostly the progesterone talking. Then, yesterday, the swelling went down. They were still tender, just not as big. I think this is part of what sent me into a tizzy.

But maybe it makes sense.

I went in at 7:45 for the beta, and I got the call back around 11.

In the words of the nurse on the other end of the line (my favorite nurse, by the way), the beta results were not quite negative, but they weren’t positive either. Let me explain. At my clinic, a “negative beta” is below 1. (I’ve always read that the number is 5, but my RE explained to me that their tests are really, really sensitive and can detect trace amounts of hCG that are in the blood stream even before implantation.) My number was a 2. The nurse explained that we clearly achieved fertilization but that it didn’t get much farther than that – it probably never made it’s way out of the tube.

Major bummer.

Of course, we are disappointed.

But, I actually don’t feel nearly as crushed as I thought I would feel. I felt momentarily upset, but then it quickly went away. We achieved conception. Step two may have been a bust, but step one worked. I know the stats. 50% (or up to 70% depending on you who you talk to) of all fertilized eggs end up this way.

I guess this just wasn’t the right combination.

Thanks for all of your support, friends.

On to round 2.

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§ 17 Responses to Not negative but not positive either

  • Gypsy Mama says:

    I’m sure all of us on this journey of trying to become parents have our bad days, I know I sure I do. You are absolutely right, you guys achieved fertilization which is half the battle. I hope your next cycle results in a embryo that sticks šŸ™‚

  • Amber says:

    I’m glad you both are feeling more optimistic toward future treatments. Sounds like you have a pretty good attitude about your results. You are right! That is more than before! One step closer.

  • bustedoven says:

    Oh man, I was really feeling like it might have happened for you this time! I’m glad you’re not too upset. You are halfway there — I feel like it’s so close for you!! And glad you and the hubs are on the same page. It was so sweet of him to call you. You guys are gonna be great parents, I can tell.

  • Daryl says:

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out this time, but it sounds like you’re getting close! I hope that means this treatment is having a positive effect, and I’m glad you’re both on board to continue!

  • Stasy says:

    I’m so sorry it didn’t work this time, but I’m glad that you and your husband talked and that you’re moving forward. HUGS!

  • Kristin says:

    I had a similar situation, and I understand the crazy. I’m sorry it didn’t work this time, but I hope next time is a winner.

  • Rochelle says:

    So sorry that this wasn’t it! I hope that your body was just warming up and you get a nice, healthy, sticky baby next time. Your optimism is quite refreshing!

  • I’m sorry this time didn’t pan out the way you hoped. Fingers crossed for the next round….. Hang in there! šŸ™‚

    ICLW #30

  • Arwen Rose says:

    Am sorry this sucks. Who knew they could detect before implantation??! That’s insane. Here’s to round two!

    • It IS insane, isn’t it? And so cool. I guess it meas that my doc is able to narrow down the possibilities of what is keeping us from getting pregnant. It’s not that The Artsy Engineer’s swimmers can’t find my egg. And they seem to have an okay time fertilizing it. These are good things!

  • YeahScience! says:

    Aww… well, to be honest, I think this is pleasantly surprising after expecting a big fat zero. It means this is at least the second time you’ve had an egg fertilize. So my guess would be that it was just not the right egg — but eventually, it WILL be the right egg, and it will happen. Medicated cycles or not, you’ll just have to have patience… šŸ™‚

  • Jenny says:

    I had no idea they could detect fertilization without implantation. That’s pretty cool. I’m so sorry your little embryo didn’t stick around, though. I’m hoping that the next cycle brings you happier results.

    Regarding your previous post, I agree with the person who made the comment that the medication gives you an edge by producing more than one mature egg per cycle (in theory). As for Femara increasing egg quality – I don’t know for sure, but I suspect there may be something to that. It’s what finally worked on my aged eggs.

  • Ugh. So sorry this was not the cycle! But I agree with everyone-fertilization is awesome. And that next step will come!

  • Sadie says:

    I find it totally cool that they can detect fertilization before implantation, and agree that it’s a good sign – you’re halfway there. But of course that doesn’t prevent the inevitable disappointment. I’m so sorry, and sending good thoughts your way. One step in front of the other, right?

  • Emily says:

    Hi from ICLW. Sorry about the quasi negative, sending good thoughts your way šŸ˜¦

  • Alicia says:

    Thank you for the comment on my blog. I’m so sorry it ended up this way for you. Your little babe is on its way, I have faith.

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