Reason (or something like it)
March 31, 2013 § 22 Comments
We’re trying to decide what to do next.
Say next cycle works. Next cycle’s maybe baby would end up birthed in early January of 2014. For those of you who have stellar memories, you may recall that this coming December-January is also the time that I will (hopefully) be interviewing for internship positions all over the country. Yes, I could probably arrange phone interviews for one or two if absolutely necessary. But I can’t help but assume that would put me at a disadvantage. And, yes, I could turn down all interviews that were not within driving distance. But only 3/4 of applicants match to a program at all, so limiting my options is not something I want to do.
My RE has said that we have the option of either continuing with one more round of letrozole+timed intercourse or moving ahead to IUI. Of course, there are other possibilities. We can do no treatment and still try. Or we can take a month off to ensure that I can go on interviews.
Y’all. The idea of taking a month off is met with a huge “hell no” from my brain. I can’t even think about it rationally. My brain doesn’t give me the opportunity. I’ve tried to think clearly about the pros of doing this, but it’s immediately blocked by the much more overwhelming need to continue to push forward. It may be the best option. But it’s such an aversive idea that I can’t even think about it. That is some seriously powerful shit, friends.
If I’m not going to even entertain the thought (which apparently I’m not), then I guess we’re trying. And if we’re trying, maybe we should go all out. Skip ahead to IUI. But then what if I get pregnant and don’t match to an internship and have to spend an entire additional year in graduate school.
So, because both of those options are scary, I’m leaning toward the nonsensical decision that looks something like this. We try (so treatment, in general, is a yes). But not so hard that we actually might get pregnant* (so IUI is a no). Letrozole cycle #3, then?
That “logic” is so absurd.
*Because if we did get pregnant, of course we’d be thrilled and of course I would make it work. And maybe I wouldn’t even care if I had to tack on an additional year to graduate school even though that would make it 7 years instead of 6 and even 6 is INSANE and right now I REALLY, REALLY CARE. So much so that I am being SCREAMY about it, apparently.