Or not to test (9dpiui#2)
June 18, 2013 § 35 Comments
My pee is in a cup on top of my toilet right now and I am dangerously close to dipping something in it.
I hesitate to even type this out, but I freaking feel pregnant. I’m waking up all night, my boobs look like those surgical gloves after you blow them up (minus the fingers and the rest of the hand shape). I’ve had hot flashes on and off all day for the last two days.
Now, I am all about research and I believe the research that says that I should not be feeling pregnancy symptoms at this point even if I were, in fact, pregnant. But I also know that I felt this exact same trio of symptoms the first time I was pregnant, and I did not feel them before nor have I felt them since.
It’s too early to test. And if I test and it’s negative I will be crushed. I fully recognize that this is a big one. It’s this or IVF. I am extremely imaginative, and I would not put it past my body to go all psychosomatic all over my shit and create these symptoms when there is nothing there.
I don’t want to test, but I can’t stop thinking about it. And the Artsy Engineer is not helping. He’s been telling me since the day after the IUI that he just “has a feeling” that this is it. I know that when he gets home from work, he’s going to stick that test stick in the urine himself if I let him have access to it.
I know it’s early enough that
if when I get a negative (provided that I test today), I could still very well be pregnant. That I shouldn’t be immediately crushed. But my brain won’t let me believe that. If it’s negative today, it will feel over. And I’m not ready for that either.
So, I’m going to do my best to wait this out.