June 19, 2013 § 32 Comments
Against all of your thoughtful and accurate advice and against my better judgment, I tested last night. And, as expected, there was nothing. Cue cursing. Cue tears. Cue pretty intense self-directed berating.
Ten minutes later, Artsy Engineer got home. Scolded me for testing, which I immediately pointed out was incredibly unfair, since he is always trying to convince me to take pregnancy tests when it’s way too early. He started making ceviche for dinner. While he was in the middle of chopping ingredients, I said something childish and embarrassing along the lines of, “I don’t want that. I want pizza.” I was in a drown out your sorrows kind of mood. And that calls for pizza or macaroni and cheese. Not raw food cooked in citrus.
About 15 minutes into my tantrum, I went back to throw away the test and get rid of the evidence of my stupidity.
And there was a second line. A veryveryvery faint second line.
And then I immediately remembered that I took a trigger shot and that a second line is completely untrustworthy at this point. Somehow, in my deluded symptom haze, I forgot about this little (HUGE FREAKING) detail. What on earth was I thinking. This is why I haven’t even considered testing this early during any of my other medicated cycles. Because I know better. How did I forget about this??
And today, I’m feeling A LOT less pregnant. I slept soundly, I’ve been cold all morning, and the blown up surgical glove boobs are gone. Of course. And they have taken with them my optimism. Which I absolutely deserve.
Screw you, feelings. You suck.