Beta #2

July 19, 2013 § 25 Comments

First of all, I have no words for the gratitude I feel for each of you for sharing my excitement with me. Bottom of my heart kind of thing. I’m in awe.

I’ll cut the crap this time. No fancy lead ins. Build ups. Truthfully, I’m just too tired for that.

Beta this morning was 247. That’s a doubling time of 35 hours. So far, this little cell ball is still with is.

To tell you guys the truth, I’ve been a disaster. My anxiety has been through the roof. I’m horribly irritable, which no one actually gets to see except my sweet husband, thank god. Tonight, hours after hearing this great news about the beta, I’m back at it. I just straight sobbed into Artsy Engineer’s shoulder for 20 minutes. This is exactly where I have wanted to be for the last 18 months. But it feels so vulnerable. Now I actually have something to lose.


§ 25 Responses to Beta #2

  • Hang in there. I can totally relate. When you have a failed cycle it’s a lot easier to be hopeful. When you finally get good news, you’re just waiting for it to be taken away because it seems too good to be true. I’m thinking good thoughts for you!!

  • Honeyhoneyhoney. All I can say is: I get it. It’s the perfect time for a stiff drink, and yet so completely not. Meditative deep breathing…while a lame and paltry offering of advice, is all I know to give. xoxox

  • here’s your new mantra… “it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay.” so far, so good right?

    however, I can relate to the overwhelming, breath-stealing anxiety. try not to let it steal all of the joy. feel the joy, too, okay??

  • sarah says:

    Girrrrrrl, I KNOW this feeling. There is nothing easy about this – we get what we want and in some ways, the anxiety only grows. Just take it a day at a time. I’m holding my breath for you and hoping for only good things! (And, oh yeah, you’re pregnant! Pretty fuckin’ awesome. Yes, this occasion definitely calls for profanity.)

  • SM says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I’m 24w4d and I still have anxiety issues some days. My pregnancy mantra: one day at a time. Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. This is such a vulnerable place to be right now but you’re pregnant! Try to cherish every moment if you can!

  • This is normal. Just breathe through it as best you can. And when you feel more yourself, let your sweet husband know you are sorry to unload only on him. (That’s what I have to do daily.)

  • Yep. And its gonna be that way the whole 9 months. πŸ˜‰ But its worth all the fears and anxiety.

  • Great second beta number!

    I get the anxiety. Once you are past the second beta hump, then it is the first ultrasound, then the next ultrasound, etc. At 20 weeks I don’t worry as much about stuff so it does get better. Enjoy the fact that you are pregnant!

  • LisaB says:

    Awesome number and doubling time!!! Yay! So excited for you!!

  • That’s amazing doubling time! Yay! Take it easy and breathe through it, I’m sure everything will be ok. I’m just so happy for you n that you didn’t have to go through IVF. Enjoy it, take it one day at a time xoxo

  • katherinea12 says:

    That’s a fantastic second beta! The anxiety around all this is so hard. Happy that the beta came back so well, and hoping that you are able to find a way to take a deep breath against all the anxious thoughts and feelings.

  • Infertility Can Suck It says:

    Oh man, we have ALL been there. I honestly didn’t stop worrying until the little guy was out and in my arms, and even now, I have a whole other set of worries. I will say, once you start hitting milestones (ultrasounds, measurements, weeks gone by, etc.) my anxiety (real and doctor diagnosed!), at least, started subsiding a bit, so day to day was more manageable. I tried to keep telling myself: today, everything is great. Celebrate today. A great quote I read that also helped was: β€œHe who worries about calamities suffers them twice over.” Lots and lots of positive vibes headed your way and congrats on your continued great news πŸ™‚

  • Sunny says:

    Oh sweetness, it is both terribly exciting and terribly scary this early in pregnancy. I know what you’re going through. This is all out of your hands at this point and it WILL get easier your second tri (yes, I have utter faith that this little ball of cells is sticking! )

  • Steph Mignon says:

    Isn’t it all so nerve wrecking? After all you have been through, it’s totally normal and even expected for you to worry. I know I did and hopefully will again. Regardless, I’m sending baby lentil all the encouragement I have through this comment!

  • Jenny says:

    I’ve been out of the loop too long…congratulations! That’s a wonderful second number.

    The anxiety is perfectly understandable. So cry if you need to cry. Let it out. I’m sending you and your little ball of cells all the good thoughts I can!

  • Perfect doubling time. And the anxiety over having something to lose? YES. Been there, done that. I know it’s impossible, but I feel obligated to say it anyway… please, just try to be still and enjoy this amazing time. You have literally no control over what comes next, but for now, you are pregnant and that is such a beautiful thing. And if you try and cannot relax, that’s OK, too. I am hoping it’s nothing but smooth sailing for the next 8 months.

  • Megan says:

    First of all, congrats! Second, I really hope things continue to progress well! I know anyone who has experienced any type of infertility would be feeling the same anxiety, it’s a “too good to be true” feeling, take it one day at a time!

  • JustMe says:

    Yay! I can’t wait to follow your pregnancy!!

  • lydiaseeks says:

    Positive mantras help so much, something to calm yourself when the anxious feelings creep in and take over. It is so hard when we’re all so used to our bodies letting us down time and again, but have faith your body can do this. It can and it will.

  • YeahScience! says:

    Oh, welcome to the first trimester… the WORST. The only symptom I ever really had was fear, and it was debilitating. Of course you’ll have moments of elation that you are finally preggo, and that’s awesome and all, but it’s really weird to transition from being depressed and unpregnant to being terrified and pregnant — and, as you say, so much more vulnerable. At least you’ve got a strong beta to work with! (Mine kinda sucked). Hold onto that for now. Next step will be confirming that heartbeat at an ultrasound, which will be even more terrifying than beta results… but hopefully even more rewarding, too… hang in there, lovey!

  • bustedoven says:

    YAY, great second beta! Deep breaths, girl. Sending you peaceful and happy thoughts.

  • storkchaser says:

    Oh man I missed the announcement!!!! CONGRATS!!

  • knalani says:

    Hooray for doubling betas! I’m thinking of you and hoping the anxiety lessens with each week as your baby keeps growing strong!!

  • missymakes says:

    That’s an awesome doubling time! I can totally relate to going from feeling like you’ll never get what you want to then waiting for someone to snatch it away once you finally get it. It’s hard, but try to stay positive. The way I look at it, I want to enjoy being pregnant for every second I can, just in case it does get taken away.

  • torthuil says:

    So happy for you lentil! I hope things just keep getting better from here (and I think they will).

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