July 27, 2013 § 26 Comments
I’m sitting at the train station waiting for Amtrak to let me board, and my hands are visibly shaking.
After that first weekend and all of the betas, a sense of peace settled in for the week. For five days, I felt mostly excitement and, well, joy. I had symptoms – insatiable thirst, peeing ALL the time, cramping – I knew weren’t fabricated. I was experiencing bouts of mild nausea, especially when I was hungry. Yesterday, the nausea was there all day and I was like YES. The anxiety was there, too, but it had very much taken a back seat. It was being overpowered. And well.
Then today. I feel completely normal and not at all pregnant. The sore boobs remain, but are less hurty. Everything else is gone. And the fear has a pretty tight grip on me. In a couple of hours, I get to spend one night with my best childhood friend, who I get to see only once every 2 years or so, and I’ve been fighting off tears all day.
Today is torture. Why can’t I conjure up some of that psychosomatic shit right now? I’d gladly welcome even the fake stuff.
Edited to add: After going back through and reading this post, I’m annoyed with myself for being so totally and completely doomandgloom. So I’ll add a bit of humor from my week. Last night, I put my progesterone supplement in my mouth and ‘supposited’ my prenatal vitamin. No joke. Better? I thought so.