August 15, 2013 § 22 Comments
But not the ultimate. No ultrasound this morning.
The bleeding stopped as abruptly as it started. The red turned lighter, then to a light brown. And within the hours it was completely gone. No cramping. Clean toilet paper. Nothing.
The nurse sounded relieved and optimistic when I called her this morning. She told me that brief bleeding without cramping or clots is not a cause for concern. She said that the progesterone suppositories I’ve been using for 6 weeks now can make the cervix especially sensitive. And according to my research, twins can mean more progesterone, which can mean now bleeding. The nurse said that this type of brief bleeding could happen here and there throughout the pregnancy and that it could mean nothing. I believe her. (And I believe all of you, my dear dear sisterfri.) But with reservations.
Since last week’s incredibly surprising ultrasound, I have experienced a vast smorgasbord of thoughts and emotions about carrying and caring for two children. Most of them were lovely lovely thoughts. And, I think reasonably, a couple were on the holy shit spectrum. But nearly all of them were drenched in this sticky, warm optimism that came from god knows where. I really didn’t seriously question the continued development of these babies. It was such an awesome feeling.
So. Have I jumped to being terrified that this pregnancy is over? No, though I was last night. Waking up to no more blood has left me hopeful.
But. Holy shit. The blissful curtain of optimism is gone. I’ve been knocked down a solid several rungs on the ladder. I’ve got nothing but faith in my body (the one that up to now has SUCKED at all things related to babymaking) to rely on until my scheduled ultrasound on Tuesday morning. I’m on my way to Canada now for our family reunion, and I’m really glad to be going. There will be about 40 people there, and the alternative (my dissertation) is a sorry distraction by comparison.
Thank you, dearly, for all of your sweet words over the last 24 hours. And for sharing in our shock and surprise at the two babies news. What a freaking rollercoaster, you guys.