12 weeks, 3 days: Pants, you are my worst enemy

September 16, 2013 § 22 Comments

Best part about dissertation writing days spent at home?

Image

And, for those of you still interested, I decided against the fetal doppler for now. I’m starting to feel more at ease, and maybe I should just leave well enough alone. I’m just not willing to bring anything new into the picture that might add to the anxiety that seems to be currently starting to slip away. No setbacks welcomed here.

Also, two of you lovelies commented on the topic of faith. Now, if you’ve read this blog at all, you probably know that I am not a religious person. JulieB said that she has come to appreciate “faith in a secular context as a great mental strength to develop.” And I can get behind this. So, this is what I’m working on right now. Faith in my body. Faith in these babies. After infertility and pregnancy loss, I’m trying to redevelop that faith that this body I have here is capable of sustaining pregnancy and bearing these babes. Seems impossible. But I have to keep reminding myself that so far the evidence is strongly in my favor.

My first OB appointment is on Thursday, and I have my first trimester screen and NT scan exactly one week from today. Best news of the week is that we decided to take Thursday and Friday off and drive 18 hours round trip this past weekend to tell my grandparents about the babies in person. My grandmother cried and cried. And then she forgot and I got to tell her again and she cried and cried some more.

Oh, and there is another highlight. I am definitely sporting a very small bump. Noticeable only when nekkid. But, guys. There is no mistaking it. I’m thickening like bread dough. In fact, last Wednesday I decided to LEAVE WORK EARLY because the waistline of my skirt was too tight.

Hence the UNzippered action.

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§ 22 Responses to 12 weeks, 3 days: Pants, you are my worst enemy

  • J o s e y says:

    “My grandmother cried and cried. And then she forgot and I got to tell her again and she cried and cried some more.” <– Okay, this totally made me smile, b/c my grandma has alzheimer's, and for all the sadness involved with that, it can be fun to relive the joys over and over too. 🙂

  • jebhow515 says:

    I am only 6.4 weeks and my pants are also my worst enemy…though I am on estrogen and progesterone so that does not help the waist line. So excited you are getting into your second trimester!

  • K says:

    Invest in some cute maternity pants because you’ll be living in them soon. I had a Bella band but even that irritated me. Glad your feeling more positive 🙂
    I’m not very religious either but as part of my journey I expanded my faith a little. It’s easier to deal with stuff when you can offer it up-whether to a god or even the universe itself.

  • Steph Mignon says:

    My scan is a week from today too! I will be trying to have “faith” for us both… I also decided against the doppler. The last thing I need is to constantly be stressing about finding or not finding a heartbeat. And then if I find it I’ll overanalyze that too. Forget it! I’m already crazy enough. 🙂

  • Gypsy Mama says:

    haha only when nekkid! I can’t wait to see the twin belly on your tiny little frame, you are going to look so cute!! Not that you don’t already, but you know…

    Good luck with the writing 🙂

  • Aramis says:

    Working from home = stretchy yoga pants. Get thee some!

  • Daryl says:

    Aw, I’m kinda jealous of your bump! My belly just looks fat and bloated. So glad you’re starting to let go of the anxiety and let a little optimism in! Can’t wait to hear about the NT scan next week.

  • sarah says:

    pants are seriously the worst. but you what’s the best? pregnancy leggings. pretty sure i’m going to be wearing those long after this baby is due. can’t wait to see that bump!

  • this whole post makes me smile, even your dough-y mid-section. (you should see the dough i’m trying to shrink now!) almost through the first trimester… literally a THIRD done women. wrap your mind around that. and then please come to South Dakota and help me with my doctoral project, i’m way way too distracted.

  • Amber says:

    Once you get past the initial doughy feel, your stomach actually gets a little hard and it’s kinda cool. At least mine is. I was uncomfortable at first because it just felt far, now it actually just feels pregnant!

  • Sadie says:

    Yay for walking around with your fly open! (Only when working form home, of course). So sweet about your grandma’s reaction:)

  • Sarah says:

    Pants are the worst thing ever. Fuck pants. RUN do not walk to get yourself some maternity pants, seriously. When I was in the first tri anything tight on my stomach made me feel even more sick. That included the demi panel of maternity pants. I still prefer to full panel, but you should try on different kinds and see what you like. You might as well buy them now, since you’re only going to be wearing them for a few (long) months. 🙂

  • redbluebird says:

    I don’t understand why you need pants at all while working at home. Pantsless is the best!
    And good for you re: the Doppler. I wish I had been confident enough to skip it. I’m doing better as the weeks go by, but you better believe I’m using that Doppler until I feel the baby move!
    I hope you’ll be posting bump photos. Can’t wait to see!!!

  • Amanda says:

    I’m like you… or more like, my husband said no to the Doppler precisely because he knows me well and he did not want to add to the freakout potential. I am now 16 weeks… and it took me until the 12-14 week to really let go into the faith you are talking about, as they had told us that’s when the riskiest period is over. I was also freaking out that I have had mostly no morning sickness (except in specific situations, that is, in the evening when I am starving waiting for husband to come back from work), but slowly I have eased into believing and trusting and enjoying.
    I am not sure I have a bump yet… You definitely can see my belly is growing but not in a round, baby-like way, I just look slightly bigger, and with clothes it is not even noticeable.
    As for the pants, ages ago I had bought some maternity pants from H&M (without knowing, I liked the elastic band and I folded it over in a kind of “Indian” style), and I am loving them. It’s like being in sweatpants while still looking kind of casual.

  • bustedoven says:

    Cannot WAIT to see your bump. I’m sure it’s adorbs. Also, I can’t remember the last time I wore pants… before I was pregnant? Firstly because it’s hot as balls in Texas and will be until Christmas, and also because my mid-section is a no-fly zone. No flies, only stretchy things or flowy things. My style of dress has changed COMPLETELY to boho hippie woman, when I was all prep before. Anyway, enough about me.

    Love the sweet story about your grandmother, bless her heart.

    Can’t wait until your scan, yay!!

  • julieb79 says:

    Yay for you, starting your 2nd trimester!!! Glad I could help shore up your (secular) faith. It gets stronger as time goes on. I can’t WAIT for you to feel your babies move – that really seals it and I’m just starting to enjoy that in the last couple weeks. Now I’m over the moon since they showed me his (it’s a HIS!!) little face on the 4D ultrasound. A-fucking-mazing.

    On the subject of not being religious and preparing to be a parent, I just finished this book you might like called Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Caring, Ethical Kids Without Religion (http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268). Rather than a dry parenting book, it’s a collection of short essays written by all kinds of people from Unitarian Universalist ministers to hardcore atheists like Richard Dawkins to secularist authors like Mark Twain. So it’s a nice cross-section of perspectives, not all of which resonate with me, but that provoke ideas on how to talk to/handle situations with your kids in regard to things like Santa, death, morality, the meaning of life, etc. Highly recommend it to anyone who plans on not raising their kids within the structure of organized religion.

  • missymakes says:

    I admire that you even put on pants with buttons to work from home! I’m working from home today and I went straight for the stretchy knit lounge pants. And a t-shirt with no bra. I’m so professional.

  • JustMe says:

    hahaha…left work early because your pants were too tight. Awesome. Love it. Just wait until you dive into the wonderful, wonderful world of maternity clothes. And please no, I am NOT being sarcastic. They really are wonderful.

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