The near death of modesty and coming out of the closet

March 23, 2013 § 30 Comments

I have been hesitant to show my face on here. My actual face, I mean.

I’ve always been a pretty private person. So, I suppose that talking about trying to make a baby on the internet is something that scares me. And I guess that the idea of linking these words to my face makes me feel more exposed.

But I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I want to be brave. I want to be one of those women who provides an in for other women to talk openly about infertility and miscarriage. I think I’ve mentioned that I’m one of the first of my friends and coworkers to try to conceive. I don’t want anyone else to feel like they have to keep this battle to themselves if this sort of thing happens to any of them in the future (which it will, because we know how common it is even though no one talks about it). I don’t want anyone else to feel ashamed.

I deal with difficult things by talking about them, but, until recently, I only talked to a very select few. We’re talking about like two people other than the Artsy Engineer. I didn’t even tell ANYONE we were trying until after the miscarriage. And then I told a lot of people. Like, everybody (not really, but a lot more bodies than I would have ever guessed). About all of it. I needed support. I needed people to understand. So the lips got loose. And I feel good about it. People care. And I can get things out of my head out of my head out of my head and into the world.

But I still worry about the internet. I worry that some future client or future patient will find me out. And will care. Which they probably won’t. And I probably won’t either.

So, I’m going to quit screwing around and just show you my face, because I feel like I need to do this. I won’t promise that it will be here forever. I may freak out and take it down one day. No promises. But, for now. Me. Selfie style.


Meanwhile, in case you all are interested. I’m at 10 dpo. My temperature dipped significantly today. I’m trying to not read too much into it. Last cycle it stayed up until a couple of days after I discontinued the progesterone, so I just expected that it would do the same thing this time around. Bleh. Whatever. I’ve been good at ignoring the two week wait so far. I’m going to try to keep that up for another couple of days. Tomorrow, I’ll be posting promised photos of my stitch fix, which arrived at a perfectly distracting time. And, right now, I’m going to go read for book club. And maybe watch some basketball. Peace, y’all.

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§ 30 Responses to The near death of modesty and coming out of the closet

  • Idiotic Infertility says:

    You are both pretty and stylish. I hope good things come from showing your face here. πŸ™‚

  • Congrats on coming out! πŸ˜‰ And I agree with Idiotic Infertility, cute you, cute background. I was just talking about this, but you do it a bit more eloquently. I am sharing a lot, and I think it is all for the good. Since opening up, I did meet one mom of 2 who used IVF for both times. So maybe someone I’m sharing with will feel okay coming to me with questions because I was open with it.

  • SM says:

    You are one lovely lady, friend! It can be quite liberating to open up about your infertility journey. I don’t think I would have the guts to put my face out there on my blog, but I so admire you for doing it!

  • Eggs&Hope says:

    You’re very brave and I admire you for doing that! Hopefully I will be able to follow your lead one day! x

  • Aramis says:

    I think talking and being open about infertility is one of the best things we can do as the IF community, because there’s so many others out there who are hiding it. You’re setting a great example!

  • Amber says:

    I debated this too, because I really want to keep my blog to myself so that I can be real and not worry about what people in real life would think. However, I have broke down and shared some pics. So far, nobody (that I know of) has found my blog. I often wonder if it would matter anyway, since so many people know about our baby making struggles anyway. I also have found that I tend to connect even more with fellow bloggers when I can place a face with the blog. I’ve always loved pictures! Good for you for coming out of the closet! I agree with the others, you are very cute and pretty.

    • That was my feeling, too. I’m with you. I don’t know that it would matter if anyone located my blog. And, you’re right, pictures do make it easier to connect with a writer. I don’t find them necessary to create that bond (especially with the writing caliber than exists among many in our community), but they do help!

  • Steph Mignon says:

    Wooohooo! Thank you for sharing your beautiful face! For putting a smile behind the stories. As you’ve seen on my blog, my pic up there, all big and blaring and maybe even a little bit annoying. But I’ve always been an open person (though it does make me nervous at times) and have found that said openness has helped others become so much more open with me. As a result, I’ve learned SO SO SO SO much from personal info to invaluable medical stuff (how i found my amazing Chinese Medicine doctor). You read my recent post where I shared some BIG news entirely too early, which I’ve since made private temporarily, because I’m writing a guest post soon for a high traffic website and I’m not ready for this news to be so out there yet. Courage comes and goes! You feel me. It’s all about what makes you comfortable right now. I can tell you this though, your big blue eyes ad color to your posts that was definitely there before, but is even more vibrant now. πŸ™‚

    • Oh man. Thanks, Steph. Your picture is NOT annoying. In fact, I was just messing around trying to figure out how to make this one a permanent fixture on the home page. (Although, I’m struggling. I’m still new at this blog design thing; the whole dashboard thing is a little overwhelming.) And you are so right. The courage is not consistent, is it?

      • Steph Mignon says:

        Not consistent at all my dear! It comes and goes. But as a result of my courage in the past I get random calls from random, but wonderful women, I don’t know (a friend of a friend etc.) wanting to explain what I’ve gone through over the last year and a half. Oh and I know exactly what you mean about the darn dashboard! WordPress drives me nuts!

  • Kimberly says:

    YOU GO GIRL! I love how your pictures are arranged in the background – very cool!

  • YeahScience! says:

    Aww, what a pretty punim, as my bubbie-in-law would say! I also find that putting a face to a blog helps me connect more with the person writing it, which is why I’m also planning to eventually “come out” as well. Still holding off for now, but will get up the courage in another month or so. Also, I can’t stop crushing on your design sense — love the Mexican pillow and the grey wall and the art collection and the old sewing machine, and and and! It’s like what I want my house to be like, except I keep getting frozen when it comes to implementing it.

    • Ha, thanks. Truthfully, I can’t claim full credit for the design sense. The thrift find sewing machine and the art arrangement were all Artsy Engineer. But the pillows and wall color were me! We make a pretty decent team most days.

  • Yayyy for personal pics! You have such pretty blue eyes (meant to sound like a genuine compliment, hoping not to sound like the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood). I’ve said it before… “coming out” has been so rewarding for me and I’ve even managed to direct two people to the clinical trial that I did… I keep getting supportive messages from people in high school who I haven’t spoken to in ten years saying that they read and love my blog and they’re keeping me in their thoughts. It’s incredible! I know coming out all the way isn’t for everyone, bravo for you making that first step. Very brave, indeed.

    • Ha, thanks, friend. I’m going to read it as your imagined voice doing the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood once or twice more just because it has already made me geek out a couple of times. In all seriousness, I so admire your courage for coming all the way out. That’s huge. And those benefits make it seem so worth it.

  • Ladyblogalot says:

    You just totally got your brave on, lady. Good work.

  • gypsymamamia says:

    Aww you are so pretty, you have gorgeous eyes! I’m glad you are taking this step to be open about your experience for other women. It takes courage and I’m sure your story will help your friends who will go through the same thing. I like being able to put a face to the story too, so thanks for sharing!

  • bustedoven says:

    Girl. I have been pondering this concept a lot lately. I just had a conversation with a friend who moved back to Austin recently after having been away. And she sheepishly asked me how the infertility stuff was going, saying that she never knew if she was supposed to ask about it. I told her that I actually like talking about it, because I hate that it’s such a hidden epidemic. I don’t think there should be anything shameful about struggling to conceive, and I don’t want other women to feel that infertility is something to hide. I think the more women who are “out,” the better.

    Now, it’s not exactly something I’m announcing on Facebook, mainly because I don’t want my work to find out that I’m trying to conceive. Although maybe I should re-consider that, too, as they’re very family friendly. Lots to think about!

    Also, I can’t wait to see your babies. You and the Artsy Engineer make a damn good-looking couple, and your babies are gonna be SO STINKIN’ CUTE!

    I’m at 11DPO and my temp is going down-down to no-baby town, too. Next time next time next time!

  • Jenny says:

    Yay you!

    It can be a hard step to take, putting ourselves – our REAL selves – out there like that, but I have to say that I always appreciate it when someone makes that brave step. 1) It’s nice to be able to put a face with the words and 2) I think it helps the cause to put a real face with the issue.

    P.S. You’re very much how I imagined you – and that’s a good thing. πŸ™‚

  • Stasy says:

    You’re a gorgeous person!

    I was the same. We hadn’t told anyone we were trying either. Then I was pregnant, but for some reason, we only told our families and the friends we saw all the time, even after getting into second trimester. It wasn’t until after our loss that I really opened up.

    I think you are incredibly brave for putting your face out there, both as a way to connect the words with a person, but also as a way to connect a person with the issue.

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